Making the Holidays Happy!
Holidays can be very stressful for marriages and families. Tensions often surface during the holidays. Often families have unrealistic expectations. Parents expect your family to be at their home during the holidays. They often want you to continue to participate in the traditions that were apart of your family of origin.
You and your spouse need to very respectful and honoring. Communicate to parents on both sides of the family that you would like to establish your own holiday traditions. Of course, part of your traditions may involve activities with your parents. However, the focus needs to shift to your home.
Consider these going home guidelines:
1. Be flexible - occasionally you may want to celebrate your family's Christmas a day or more early then head to the grandparents.
2. Be proactive - Address hurt feelings early. Call your parents far enough in advance to state your plans. Let them know that you are not abandoning them. Try to include them in other events throughout the year. By including them in other events they will more easily accept potentially disappointing decisions.
3. Be brief - This is a great rule for any home visit. Never plan on staying more than three days on a family visit. A short visit that ends on a positive note is better than a long stay that rubs someone the wrong way.
4. Be firm - Don't let nostalgia or guilt-inducing comments keep you from doing what is right for your family.
5. Be kind - As you drive away, don't over analyze or critize your parents for mistakes. Your children will be listening. They need to learn compassion also.
(Taken from "Starting Your Marriage Right" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey)
